Hello September!
Oh, how I have dreaded in the delight of your appearance. September is always a month of change for me. For one, it’s my birth month. No big deal, be it that I don’t celebrate pagan traditions. Just another day, another year and another chance at trying to get things right. The biggest and most inevitable change is the season. It’s something about Fall! The crisp air. The transition of the leaves on the big Southern oak trees. PSL—Pumpkin Spice Life (latte, love or anything else you attach pumpkin spice to). Monogrammed scarves, jackets and boots. Dark shades of polish and lip swatches. Don’t I just love being a Southern gal in the Fall. Honing back in on change. Changes happen every day, whether we want it to happen or not. My change, as of recent has actually been for the good. It’s like a light switch has popped on and what I would usually tolerate, I can longer entertain. From my social life to my professional…change is occurring and Lord knows I need it. As I mentioned in my previous blog, I’ve been teetering on what it is I want to do—with my life in general.
The past several months I have literally been soul searching. Sounds so cliché coming from me, but it’s the absolute truth. From the moment I wake, the thought hits me. Showering, the thought hits. Inputting data at work, the thought hits me. Pushing through my cardio sessions at the gym, and the thoughts consumes me. “Shawndocee, what are you doing with yourself…this is not all you’re called to do?!” It’s like a literal soundtrack playing in my head. “What are you doing with yourself?” “How do you come up out of this holding-pattern?” You’re destined for more, Grant…go get it!” My mental self stays chiming in but my physical being says, “kick rocks!”. What’s a girl to do when the battle of bettering herself is consuming her every move but in actuality she’s stagnant, unmoving, or for the lack of better words just plain stuck.**Cue the drums** I do what I do best, whine and wine! Venting to my friends while sipping on a glass on shiraz. In between the slurps, I mean sips! I gained a ton of drunken-clarity. Oxymoron much! Seriously though I really obtained a lot of insight. What I gathered was this: my next career path would involve improving children’s lives –mentally and/or physically, my income would be healthy—financially free, physically fit—curvy skinny, homeownership—self-explanatory but not really, and my {futuristic} daughter is my life—my motivation to continue in this crazy world. Talkin’ and ain’t sayin’ nothin’ is what I feel like I’m doing but as the old sayin’ goes, “fake it ‘til you make it”. A part of me is doing just that—faking it. Speaking all my wants and needs into existence (another blog-worthy topic). The other part, when I really give it some though…I’m actually doing it! Ahhh shucky-duck! After conferring with my girlies, I narrowed my career choices down to being a social worker or an educator. The doing: I placed applications with several agencies and reached out to members in the teaching community for the 4-1-1 on teaching. So far so good, right? I’m trying, right?! That deserves at least a half of a pat on the back. Typical Me wants results NOW! Growing-changing Me knows that I must practice patience but continue to work for what I want. Anything worth having takes time. Even though I’m trying to be rational, I know my time is now. My come up is now. My better life is now. I’m going for y’all and you all should too.
As for the rest of the things that I’m yearning for, it all comes at the expense of my career move. With a new career brings more income. More income allows room for me to financially breath. Financial stability decreases stress. Stress-less life makes for a healthier me. Healthier me would eventually evolve to a more physically well individual. Confidence level becomes astounding (even more so than what it is now…watch out world!), which means I’m going for it all without hesitation. Homeownership just sounds adult and since HGTV loves giving away homes, I might as well claim the 2017 Urban Oasis home in Knoxville, TN. Therefore, the home in the in Tennessee is MINE. The daughter. My future Livy Kate. Well that’s dependent on others. Remember how I kept bringing up change? Well again, change is rapid when it comes to my future-tensed daughter. I know like I know that I’ll have her but the components that come with…is another story. One day I want the traditional family unit and the next…change(s). I want to be a single mother that singlehandedly raises her Mini-Me. Yet again, the thought changes. Life is an unending cycle of constant changes. All that I’ve previously said could change in the instance that I post this article because that’s life. It changes. The funny thing about it, is that I’m open to change. So, what’s up life? Are you ready or what?
Here’s to change. Summer to Autumn. 25 to 26. Impromptu blogger to predestined writer. Change happens but you “Stay Gorgeous”.
MelaninPoppinPrepster 